Consensus Reached On Scaling Up Financing Through Increased Cafeteria Sales

Everyone knows that real climate negotiations cannot take place in public. ECO is therefore pleased to have spent Tuesday occupying the cafeteria seats instead of delaying the rapid progress being made in the spinoff groups. At last check, we were on track to warm the seats by 3°C, enough to ensure negotiators could later sit comfortably while celebrating their work with beer and pretzels.

Monday’s negotiations progressed at a snail’s pace as unruly observers interrupted the positive flow between the Co-Chairs and Parties. Thankfully, the unanimous frustration with observers was remedied today with a single objection in the plenary. The applause and high-fiving among developed countries following Japan’s statement signalled that they spoke for us all.  Similarly righteous, but under-appreciated, the Secretariat deserves similar praise for doing what the Co-Chairs could not—they took away meeting space that civil society had reserved. One can only hope that the hotels of Bonn follow this lead.

ECO would like to remind Parties of the continual stalling role played by observers. They are notorious filibusters, unwilling to compromise, vociferously opposed to long-term commitments, and they try to undermine the principles of the Convention more frequently than wi-fi in the plenary hall cuts out. After trying the “Mango Heaven” smoothie in the cafeteria for the umpteenth time, ECO suspects the observers may have developed secret plans to profit from tropical agriculture in Antarctica.

Civil society organisations and the peoples they represent are looking forward to continued exclusion from the negotiations. ECO expects this session will wrap up a day early thanks to the accelerated process being made in their absence.